A Return to Red

November 15, 2020 12:37am
Current Mood: sleepless and curious

I can hardly believe my old LiveJournal account is still active. It feels like a lifetime ago when I first stumbled across that website and began pumping out dozens of long-winded posts about anything and everything that crossed my mind, along with all of that photography and attempts at art. I've had so many other journal and blog pages since that I've lost count. The posts would probably be somewhere in the thousands if I had kept all of them over the years (most I never do for long). Often times I only share personal thoughts and then move on with the day or night. It has been quite therapeutic throughout my life so I never retired the practice.

Not that it lost much popularity over time, but if live journaling were ever going to make a comeback, 2020 would be the year. It seems like everyone is home and everyone is online. Funny, this was the year I was going to take more of a break from it all; this digital sand trap disguised as a wonderland. As usual, things did not exactly go according to plan.

For as much as I've shared in all of these writings and musings, I've been silent about much over the last couple of years. I know the number and frequency of my posts has really dropped. So have my personal interactions. I've gotten overly comfortable with lurking in the shadows and throwing out silent likes and hearts. I'm trying to break out of that funk just a little, if I can stay motivated. Maybe work a little on being as comfortable online as I once was.

The "New Normal", as they all keep saying. Life certainly does not feel normal, does it? My life story was never a typical one and this year did not disappoint in the "crazy surprises" category, but even I was blown away by the sheer number of insane stories and updates there were to keep up with all year long. Like many people, I've found myself burning out and dipping out from time to time. Too much information coming in on all the channels got to be a bit much, even for me.

To say that it feels as if I lost quite a bit of myself along the way would be putting it mildly. Some things were accidentally purged along with the negative and rotten parts I was trying to intentionally shed. Somewhere in there, a wrong turn at Albuquerque. I'd like to start correcting the course now if there is still time to do so. I'd like to keep improving where I need to but also begin making a little more room in life for... Me.

copyright (C) Michelle Troxel 2006-2020
"God's not supposed to be a hack horror writer." - John Trent - In the Mouth of Madness (1995)