Rorschach InkblotsDecember 20, 2020 12:00am
Current Mood: relaxed
Should probably sleep but here I am in front of a glowing dark-mode screen typing out more words instead. Been thinking a little bit about impressions, assumptions and how often people like to substitute guesses and imagination in place of facts. Most adults know that other people's opinions and assumptions about who you are are often times wrong. You are a good, solid, hardworking person to some and a loser to others. A saint who would give the shirt off your back in some circles and a monster in the stories told by people who wish you unhappiness or harm. I've been everything, and I mean everything. Lover. Whore. Mother. Freak. Selfless. Bitch. Friend. Loner. Artist. Fake. Fascinating. Loser. Strong. Crazy. Intimidating. Weak. Too loud. Too quiet. Too passive. Too outspoken. I've been accused of the craziest shit I never would have done and never suspected for the things that I have.
It really just depends on who you talk to.
You are a different person to everyone who meets you and might be surprised at how greatly opinions vary behind closed doors.
This has never really bothered me and I rarely go out of my way to correct a mistaken assumption unless it is important. I'm quite okay with being a hundred different people in a hundred different minds. I'm so busy trying to please the disapproving perfectionist in my own head I hardly have time to try and perfect and synchronize how I look in the heads of others. I always figured (perhaps mistakenly) that those who really want to know who you are will take the time to get to know you.
Insomnia has been tugging on the corners of my brain for a few nights now, though in a pleasant manner. I must have been up past four AM last night just listening to music and organizing playlists. It's tempting to repeat the behavior but I think I'll attempt some rest first and see what happens in the morning.